You’ve been Devonshired – When Maidenhead United ‘nick’ a definite three points

Alan Devonshire. Photo: Darren Woolley /
Alan Devonshire. Photo: Darren Woolley /

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Have you been Devonshired? Then call Magpie Lawyers for a free no obligation quote, ask for Alan.

West Ham United legend Alan Devonshire, the Maidenhead United manager, has seen and done it all in the game. But his second spell in charge of the Magpies has seen him become a master at picking off the low-hanging fruit that is the ex-Football League club (or BELTs as they are known colloquially).

In the last two seasons alone, Devonshire’s ‘relegation certainties’ (copyright EVERY National League pundit), have upset Grimsby Town, Southend United, Chesterfield and Halifax Town with games against Notts County proving particularly salty affairs in recent years.

He even managed to spoil Wrexham owners Ryan Reynolds and Rob McElhenney visit to watch the Dragons in the UK – Maidenhead winning 3-2. The absolute gall of the man.

As of the weekend, you can add Scunthorpe United to the list.

The three pillars for a quintessential Devonshiring

  1. Must be a former Football League club
  2. Complain about the York Road pitch on social media before the match. Bonus points for use of the word ‘tinpot’
  3. You will score goals, maybe even draw level. Dev will always have the last laugh

A good Devonshiring will precipitate a BELTdown, delivering a number of stock footballing phrases that provide precisely the right amount of salt to grit Berkshire’s roads every winter. Tick these off as you go:

  • They didn’t let us play
  • Got in the refs head
  • Dressing room was too small
  • Only one team was out there to play football
  • We know what to expect coming here
  • They’ll be well organised and direct
  • You have to respect their achievement at getting to this level

Then, there’s the use of the word ‘tinpot’ which adds a full pint of bitter to the situation.

Exhibit A:

Thankfully, success in football is based on results on the pitch rather than supporters’ sepia-tinged memories of where their club used to be or how many supporters each club has.

Signing off with a reminder that Maidenhead United are, and have been in the National League for six straight seasons having blown away the opposition in the Vanarama National League South in 2017, finishing as Champions with 98 points from a possible 126 with just four defeats.

BELTs – A group of football clubs in the National League colloquially known as Bitter Ex League Teams.

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